It begins.

Dear Baby,

You know how most women will tell you that they had their dream wedding planned out by age 8? Not me. What I had planned out was you. I knew that it was my goal, my destiny, to be a mother. I had a fully formed plan of action and child rearing in place by high school. Not that I planned to get pregnant in high school, mind you. I may have been precocious, but I was not reckless. (We'll save that teachable moment for later in your life.) I had decided that it would be best to be a young mother, but one with a stable home environment (a.k.a. a stable life partner/husband/fiance/etc.) and a stable income. My parents (your grandparents-to-be) were very young and very poor when I was born, and though I remember mostly love and fun and games from those years, I also remember putting things back at the grocery store and worrying about whether the power would be on when we got home. It shaped me into the person I am today, and I wouldn't trade those experiences, but as I got older I realized how stressful and difficult it must have been for my parents, so I vowed to change that in my own parenting future.

When I was about 19, a doctor - I might even venture to say an irresponsible doctor - told me that I probably wouldn't be able to have children later so I should probably get it done by my early twenties. Say, 22 or so. Who says that to a young woman?! A single young woman, I might add. I was angry. I was shocked and devastated, but I decided I wasn't going to let him derail my plans. He couldn't see the future and I wasn't going to allow his misguided good intentions (let's assume they were good) lead me into something I wasn't ready for. I am the master of my own destiny, dammit. So I waited.

And waited.

And waited. Through bad relationships and multiple cross country moves and college and bad part-time jobs. (Let me tell you now, waitressing is not a fun long-term career plan.) Then in grad school, I met your father-to-be. I couldn't believe my luck! You're going to meet him one day, so you will know how amazing he is, but I just want to tell you now, for the record, your Dad is once-in-a-lifetime. He is kind and smart and strong and patient and all around a perfect balance for me. I know he is going to be such a great dad and I really can't wait for you to meet him.

So, we got married. And now here we are: married for two and a half years and embarking on the parenthood journey together. Here's the thing, though... I've had this planned for so long, but starting the trip at 33 was never part of the plan. So, I have to tell you, I'm terrified. I like having free time and disposable income. I like having a quiet house. I love the cats that your Dad and I have rescued over the years like they are my children. I like that there is nothing in my house or my life the is redolent of inane children's shows or music. A lot.

Well, I guess that isn't entirely true. I should probably own up to my kickin' Disney movie collection...

But even though I'm scared that I waited too long, that I got too old and that I can't have you at all, we're going for it. We'll deal with the consequences as they come, I guess. All I know for sure is that I can't wait to meet you. I've dreamed about you my whole life and I hope that my dream is about to come true.

I suppose I should start looking for Dora the Explorer on Youtube... ::sigh::

I love you forever,
Mama