The weight-wait struggle.

Dear Baby,

I have a confession to make. I am overweight. There was a time when I would have said, "No one would look at me and think I was fat." This is simply not true any more, nor has it been for a while. I am now the heaviest I have ever been in my life, and I don't even have you to use as an excuse! It's shameful.

Though I don't know which is more shameful - the fact that I am overweight or that I would seriously consider using you as an excuse for being so.

Now that I've admitted it (the first step to solving the problem!), what do I do about it? Here's the part that pisses me off about the whole thing: I've made several lifestyle changes in the recent past that I foolishly thought would shed these pounds without much intervention by me. Well, aside from the initial lifestyle change, that is. Your Dad and I became vegan 2 years ago. Do you have any idea how much crap you cut out of your diet when you go vegan?! A lot. A lot. You'll find out in a few years around Halloween time. Sorry about that one in advance, kid.

So we went vegan. Know what happened? Not one damn thing. Your Dad lost some weight, to be sure, but seeing as how he was already trim and gorgeous, I hardly think that counts except in the "life is spectacularly unfair sometimes" department. I lost not one single pound. Not one! I could provide all sorts of reasons and rationales for this phenomenon - we don't control portion sizes, I don't exercise regularly... Or, um, at all. But the simple fact is that I cut out frigging cheese and still, nothin'! Cheese I tell you!

Next, I went off birth control in anticipation of having you. Again, bupkis. (Did I spell that right?) Apparently, the whole "you gain weight from retaining water when on birth control" thing is kind of a myth. Which makes me really mad! I've been blaming that extra 10 lbs on birth control for years now and it turns out to be a lie?! It makes me want to scream.

So, here's my dilemma. My doctor says I'm healthy and that my weight isn't an issue (for now) in getting pregnant. Which basically means, "yeah you're kinda tubby, but you aren't morbidly obese. Yet." She says it's safe to go ahead, but that I'd have to be careful about how much weight I gain while I'm pregnant with you. If my curent size is any indication, I'd say this is going to be an issue... But we'll jump off that bridge when we get to it. So, here I am, entering bathing suit season ::shudder::, trying to get pregnant, and really tired of being fat. So do I try to lose some weight, or just focus on staying healthy?

And yes, those two are mutually exclusive. Yes they are! ::fingers in ears:: I can't hear you!

I suppose I could just try to increase the amount of exercise I get and go from there. The good news is it's not hard to increase from zero. The bad news is that means I'll have to get off my butt. Wish me luck, Baby. I'm gonna need it.

I love you forever,
Mama